About This Practice
You naturally listen through the lens of what's going on inside of yourself. For instance, if you're already feeling self-critical, inadequate, or under-appreciated, it's easier to over-interpret someone else's request or suggestion as a personal attack. Open-hearted listening involves stepping outside of your story and putting yourself in the other person's shoes to find the true and deeper meaning behind their statements, requests, or demands.
Steps
Reflect
Reflect on a past conversation with your loved one that left you feeling criticized or inadequate. Reflect on what your loved one might have been trying to convey and what needs they were trying to get met, however tactlessly and unskillfully they might have approached the situation.
Listen to learn
Ask a friend to help you role play the past conversation with your loved one. As they play the part of your loved one, ask them "why" at least five times during the conversation. Notice if any tension or defensiveness comes up inside of you. Afterward, ask your friend what they noticed in you and whether or not they felt your heart was open in the conversation.
Listen for real
Open-hearted listening can feel like a chore, especially when it seems like there are "more important" things to do. Block off 10 minutes with your loved one and ask if you can re-do the conversation you've practiced. Ask “why” at least five times during the conversation and try to imagine your loved one being your friend. Afterwards, ask your loved one if they felt understood. Now, ask them if they are willing to hear your side. :-)